Thoughts...

By the way, the new title for the blog means 'Thoughts' in Latin. I had a brief fascination with Latin for a while a few months back. I still think it's cool, and besides, my posts aren't all that random or rambling any more, so it didn't really fit. Atleast, they don't seem random or rambling to me.

I just want to get away. Everything feels like it's choking me, stifling me, smothering me. The sound of a voice almost makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I just want to scream. I want to run. I want to stand on the roof of a building and scream, just do anything that will stop me from turning it in on myself. I'd feel like I was letting everyone down. My mum, her. Just everyone.

And yet it draws me...

Like a wind, pushing me, forcing me towards it. I know it will do no good, it will make everything so much worse... but that doesn't matter sometimes. Somethimes I get weak, vulnerable...and I look beyond the consequences, to the reasons behind it. I still know it's wrong... but at times like that the wrongness, the disgustingness of it mean nothing.

Vulnerable. That is exactly the way to describe me at the moment. I know I don't seem it most of the time, but things build up and build up. One person can only take so much... before they want to fall.